Tuesday, June 27, 2006 ; 8:46 PM♥
i broke dwn last nyt, or shud i sae mornin. and i broke dwn again jus nw durin recess.
y is not known.
gosh i realie dunoe y im so emo tis few days. seriously i dunt. but after tt short break dwn, i was laughing ol da wae. mayb its tu cover de tears.
how cn anione xplain it wen i myslf dun even noe it.?
but i try tu kip it aside.
cus o lvl's arnd da coner.!!
argh.! haf to make it.!
i noe i wil.!
y is not known.
but last nyt i was thinkin of how i mis warm cuddles frm aifah.! heks. she held on to my leg jus now in da auditorium. haha lyk she was hugging it. hehe. warmth i gess. haha funnie u noe. but den her hand was super cold.
gosh i realie dunoe y im so emo tis few days. seriously i dunt. but after tt short break dwn, i was laughing ol da wae. mayb its tu cover de tears.
i realie dunnoe wt is happening to my life
n i realie cnnt explain tis ups n dwns of my feelings.!
i hate tis.!
i hate crying n laughing in de nxt 60 sec.!
i hate it.
i hate it.
I HATE IT.!!
how cn anione xplain it wen i myslf dun even noe it.?
but i try tu kip it aside.
cus o lvl's arnd da coner.!!
MT's O oral is nxt week i gess.
n 30 aug is da dateline fer my dnt folio n artefact.!
n olso EL prelim srts.
n 30 aug is da dateline fer my dnt folio n artefact.!
n olso EL prelim srts.
argh.! haf to make it.!
i noe i wil.!
encouragements pls.!
tnx.!
hehe.*winks
tnx.!
hehe.*winks
; 1:56 AM♥
in primary sch, i find no fwen.
dey hated me, i think. i ddnt noe y at fez, but two of em later told me tt i was childish, somehow.
i didn't realise tt. but at least dey wer being frank n told wt dey lyk n wt dey ddnt abt me. n so i cud fit better. not xactly changing me, but duing it fer me. for good.
thanx to Fairuz n Anizah. but nth much happened, cus it was in pri 6 wen dey told me tt.
i realised i had no best friends. i realise i was okie to everyone. but xaptionalie cls to Nurshah in pri 1. she was de best. she is such a clever gurl. n der was Haslindah, one of de cls ones too. I rmmbred we came late fer our 'self-defence' kls. hehs. tt ws in pri 4, den she shifted sch. n not fergting Maznah, wen we wer in pri 1. de 4 of us wer super cls in pri 1. but our standard of 'cleverness' brought us to different places, esp Haslindah wen she shifted sch. tt sweet gurl.
i felt de most hatred in pri 5. ouh yes, i was super obese. haha.! veri faaat.! tt was de reason i gess. but apart of being obese, i was childish, lyk wt de bth of em said. i tried tu reflect, but it got me nowher.
in pri 6, i was cls to olmost everi gurl ONLY. i spoke tu no gui, xapt fer de ones sitting near me. i was very cls tu Feng Yu. I rmmbr having de difficulty of pronouncing her name. it is realie tough lor. but i lyked her aniwaes. she saves me wen i ddnt du my werk, n she hlps me wenever Ms Tan scold me, cus i ddnt bring my homewerk. haha SEE, I WAS OLREADIE SUCH A LAZY GURL.! hehe.
but sec 1 came n evrythin turned arnd. i had great friends.! ol tu whom i cud talk to. funnie ones, clever ones, neardy ones. haha i was a nerd too bac den. bringing everything tu sch, caring big BIGG bags to sch. haha tt was onie fez half of sec 1 lyf.! den i was okie, until now. n i realie haf tu thank Mr Soh n Mr Raj hue TEKAN me to go fer TAF tranings. haha. bac in GRP, even if we cabot, de teacher wont run after us. haha.
tt was y i grew even fatter every year.!
haha
dey hated me, i think. i ddnt noe y at fez, but two of em later told me tt i was childish, somehow.
i didn't realise tt. but at least dey wer being frank n told wt dey lyk n wt dey ddnt abt me. n so i cud fit better. not xactly changing me, but duing it fer me. for good.
thanx to Fairuz n Anizah. but nth much happened, cus it was in pri 6 wen dey told me tt.
i realised i had no best friends. i realise i was okie to everyone. but xaptionalie cls to Nurshah in pri 1. she was de best. she is such a clever gurl. n der was Haslindah, one of de cls ones too. I rmmbred we came late fer our 'self-defence' kls. hehs. tt ws in pri 4, den she shifted sch. n not fergting Maznah, wen we wer in pri 1. de 4 of us wer super cls in pri 1. but our standard of 'cleverness' brought us to different places, esp Haslindah wen she shifted sch. tt sweet gurl.
i felt de most hatred in pri 5. ouh yes, i was super obese. haha.! veri faaat.! tt was de reason i gess. but apart of being obese, i was childish, lyk wt de bth of em said. i tried tu reflect, but it got me nowher.
in pri 6, i was cls to olmost everi gurl ONLY. i spoke tu no gui, xapt fer de ones sitting near me. i was very cls tu Feng Yu. I rmmbr having de difficulty of pronouncing her name. it is realie tough lor. but i lyked her aniwaes. she saves me wen i ddnt du my werk, n she hlps me wenever Ms Tan scold me, cus i ddnt bring my homewerk. haha SEE, I WAS OLREADIE SUCH A LAZY GURL.! hehe.
but sec 1 came n evrythin turned arnd. i had great friends.! ol tu whom i cud talk to. funnie ones, clever ones, neardy ones. haha i was a nerd too bac den. bringing everything tu sch, caring big BIGG bags to sch. haha tt was onie fez half of sec 1 lyf.! den i was okie, until now. n i realie haf tu thank Mr Soh n Mr Raj hue TEKAN me to go fer TAF tranings. haha. bac in GRP, even if we cabot, de teacher wont run after us. haha.
tt was y i grew even fatter every year.!
haha
uncompleted post.!
Sunday, June 25, 2006 ; 2:10 PM♥
I had gone tu escape.!!!
wuhuu.!
wuhuu.!
but it wasn't tudae, 2daes bac i think.!
haha. it has changed.!
de pirate ship was smaller.
can u see it.? haha
can u see it.? haha
i rode it twice.
de fez tym was soo scarie. i felt lyk ma heart cud jump out of its place n .. n jus jump lor.! haha
but de 2nd tym was okie. i cud laugh summore. haha. n on da 2nd ride, der's dis gui hue sat opposite us. his face was sooo cramped.! haha it realie was funnie lukin at him. i wanted tu scream, but i ended up hurting maslf.! haha.
i went on de fliper. n yes.! it flips.!!
whoow. i shouted lyk hell.! haha fun fun funn.!!
den der was de wet n wild. haha normal stuff. ma skirt was super drenched.! hehe.
n der was de 180 degree of fun. de thing which flips horizontaly. but i backed out. haha. it looked super scarie.!! haha
n den der's de kiddie rollie coster.! haha yupyup ride tt one too.! haha.
whoow. i shouted lyk hell.! haha fun fun funn.!!
den der was de wet n wild. haha normal stuff. ma skirt was super drenched.! hehe.
n der was de 180 degree of fun. de thing which flips horizontaly. but i backed out. haha. it looked super scarie.!! haha
n den der's de kiddie rollie coster.! haha yupyup ride tt one too.! haha.
but de best was de hunted house. haha. noone was quing so me, my sis[ella], her fwen[diah], n her kid bro[nasro], went to que. diah asked de gui at de entrance if we cud go in. he said no, wif da serious face, n said we had to pay, $3. den he laughed at us cus shock was written olover our faces. haha wt a freaking gui. he opened de door fer us n said not tu touch anithin.
hahha it was super dark. hehe, soo difficult to explain. its so scarie, yet super funnie.! haha i wanna go again.! tt gui is sooo cute.! haha okie tell me to get over cute guys pls.!
i gess tt's ol. ouh ya.! de veri veri huge candie. look.
haha
haha
i hate u boi.!
ur one fucking buyer.!
i neu tt b4 tis event.
blehs.
Thursday, June 22, 2006 ; 4:07 PM♥
tnx fer talkin tu me.
u noe, i actualie had more thins to let out, but i realie dunnoe how.. n actualie dunnoe what.
hrm.. will be going tu PS alone later. crnt belif i'll be duin it. im so afraid.
ouh yaya. tnx gurl. u made me cry. some probs did flow along wif de tears. i love u soo bloody alot okie.?!
somehow, some tots wer held bac wen i was talkin tu her bcs a) ma father's at home, and b) i remembered her tellin me tt i shud not cry, cus ppl wud think tt im weak. 'nomatter what, dun cry, it wud make u look weak n ppl wud make u cry even more'. tts wt she said, well at least something lyk tt. u shud gt de idea.!
okie nvm. u said i shudnt think of da past, cus it'll make things worst.? or smthin lyk tt.
u see. i nvr get things ryt.!
haha
its okie.
ive laughed enough tudae.
i kinda love to dae.. someparts of it.
u noe, i actualie had more thins to let out, but i realie dunnoe how.. n actualie dunnoe what.
hrm.. will be going tu PS alone later. crnt belif i'll be duin it. im so afraid.
ouh yaya. tnx gurl. u made me cry. some probs did flow along wif de tears. i love u soo bloody alot okie.?!
somehow, some tots wer held bac wen i was talkin tu her bcs a) ma father's at home, and b) i remembered her tellin me tt i shud not cry, cus ppl wud think tt im weak. 'nomatter what, dun cry, it wud make u look weak n ppl wud make u cry even more'. tts wt she said, well at least something lyk tt. u shud gt de idea.!
okie nvm. u said i shudnt think of da past, cus it'll make things worst.? or smthin lyk tt.
u see. i nvr get things ryt.!
haha
its okie.
ive laughed enough tudae.
i kinda love to dae.. someparts of it.
okie im off.
4.02
22.6.06
thurs
4.02
22.6.06
thurs
; 1:37 AM♥
n wen i tot i had a new fwen, he turned out tu be de same as de rest,
a lier, a fake, and a bueyer.
but azu, i still love u.
i hope u cum into ma dreams tunite, or rather mornin, so tt i cud talk tu u n wake up crying.
tnx gurl.
i noe it wsnt rong befrinding u.
hearts,
1.37am
6/22/06
thurs
a lier, a fake, and a bueyer.
but azu, i still love u.
i hope u cum into ma dreams tunite, or rather mornin, so tt i cud talk tu u n wake up crying.
tnx gurl.
i noe it wsnt rong befrinding u.
hearts,
1.37am
6/22/06
thurs
; 12:33 AM♥
FRUSTRATIONS KILLS.!!!
frustrations abt de comp, abt de internet connection, abt her long-unuseable mp3, abt sch, abt schwerk, abt weird dream, abt freaky parents, abt cramped..messy..freakingly-irritating room, abt not being able to go to escape *esp.!*, abt her life.
basicly.. EVERYTHING.!!!
THIS FRUSTRATIONS WILL EVENTUALIE KILL ME.!
IT IS A #1 MUDERER.!!
IT IS A #1 MUDERER.!!
but i gess it'll be a better werld wifout me.
lyk i haf everithing bottled up in me.
i need to let em go.!
n de only freaking wae is tu go to escape, get onto tt freaking ride, n SCREAM.!
okie.?! geddit.??!!
i wanna SCREAM.! SCREAM.. SCREEEEEAM.!!!
i wanna SCREAM.! SCREAM.. SCREEEEEAM.!!!
I AM SICK N TIRED OF CRYING.
i wanna cry nomore.!
i just wanna scream. i realie wanna scream. i NEED to scream ol this frustrations out.!
i wanna cry nomore.!
i just wanna scream. i realie wanna scream. i NEED to scream ol this frustrations out.!
y crnt someone jus go wif me.?
n let me scream.!!!!!!!!
JUS BRING ME DER N LET ME SCREAM OKIE.??!!!
n im so in need to scream.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 ; 1:06 AM♥
had a freaking weired dream. serious.
it was lyk a gurl campus, yah ol gurls.
n everione has her own bike, somewt lyk a transportation system, wher everione 'cycle' emslves ard de campus. xapt fer me. yeah i was walking, wif notes in my hands, n head lukin dwn.
*joke/lame crapt*
well maybe i rode myslf tu sch wif ma motorcycle,
n its to big n to fast n too loud to be used to travel ard de campus.
well maybe i rode myslf tu sch wif ma motorcycle,
n its to big n to fast n too loud to be used to travel ard de campus.
okie wait.!
wen dey travel, its lyk not on da road.
its on normal path u n i walk on, u noe, normal.
okie so tis veri scene trigred my toughts realie badly wen i woke up.
i was walking wen fatin, naqiah n rafidah rode past me. den out of nowher, azu suddenly rode past me, n made a sudden u-turn, n came talkin tu me.
she said, 'Why arnt u wif them.?'
i simply shrug my shoulders, n gave an upside dwn smile.
she smyl n shook her head lyk she usualie du n patted mine. then she rode off.
she said, 'Why arnt u wif them.?'
i simply shrug my shoulders, n gave an upside dwn smile.
she smyl n shook her head lyk she usualie du n patted mine. then she rode off.
'Why arnt u wif them.?'
tt was da thin tt trigred me de most.
u noe, i believe tt its true.
wen someone cares alot fer de ppl arnd em, it means tt dey nid loads of care.
if dey show loads of love, it simply means tt dey need to be loved.
if dey show loads of love, it simply means tt dey need to be loved.
realie, i believe in it, trust me.
cus i've been tru it.
n so i hope ppl will relise,
cus dey usualie dun't.
cus dey take fer granted de love, care n concern shown to em, n nvr did dey haf de tot to return de love, care n concern.
mayb someone did show me love, care n concern, n i did not realise it, but wen i do, i sure will repay tt veri kindness everione needs.
it has been atie wif her report,
signing off at 1.06am on tuesdae morning,
jus lyk wt its stated dwn dere,
but saing...
repay de kindness tt u had received.!
signing off at 1.06am on tuesdae morning,
jus lyk wt its stated dwn dere,
but saing...
repay de kindness tt u had received.!
Sunday, June 18, 2006 ; 11:50 PM♥
I WANT TO GO TO ESCAPE THEAM PARK.!
PERIOD.
iwannago. iwannago. iwannago. iwannago.
iwannago. iwannago. iwannago. iwannago.
[ pasrah kid ] a superhero wud realie hlp.. [shout-ing away] ' I WANNA GO.!! ' take me somewhre noone can see me...(ŗŷ
i dun regconise my problem...
Thursday, June 15, 2006 ; 10:10 PM♥
on Tuesdae, 13.6.06, ma fam n i were suppose tu go catch a movie, as wat ma dad promised.
FISHCAKES.! but we didnt. we wnt tu causewae tu up grade ma mum's fone line, grab de 3G fone fer her. De fone was complicated. haha Of cus, none of us used sony erricson b4.
i asked fer a new pair of jeans. but ma dad suddenly went mad. he srted saing tis n tat n tis n tat n yak yak yaaaaakk all de wae.! WTHS.? He told me tt ma jeans r tight n i sud not be wearing em. But wt de shit.? Lyk i dun haf animore pair of pants, wt more jeans.?! well okie i du haf a pair but its as tight. So, is it ma fault fer askin fer a pair of jeans frm him.? or was i suppose tu go out NOT WEARING anithing.? haha fat hope.!
den sumthin SUPPRISING happened.! he lyk gave us, as in ma sis n i, $50 each n said, 'stop complaining, go n buy wteve u wan,'.
haha n yeah.! ive gt ma new pair of jeans.! kuul. n ive gt lyk $20 left, n im buy a long sleeved shirt.!
wuhuu.!! n i saw him ydae nyt, okie tis morin, 12++. went dwn tu fatch ma sis, n buy a drink frm de vanding machine.
okie i wana eat now!!
dada peeps.!
n i NEVER miss skul.
FISHCAKES.! but we didnt. we wnt tu causewae tu up grade ma mum's fone line, grab de 3G fone fer her. De fone was complicated. haha Of cus, none of us used sony erricson b4.
i asked fer a new pair of jeans. but ma dad suddenly went mad. he srted saing tis n tat n tis n tat n yak yak yaaaaakk all de wae.! WTHS.? He told me tt ma jeans r tight n i sud not be wearing em. But wt de shit.? Lyk i dun haf animore pair of pants, wt more jeans.?! well okie i du haf a pair but its as tight. So, is it ma fault fer askin fer a pair of jeans frm him.? or was i suppose tu go out NOT WEARING anithing.? haha fat hope.!
den sumthin SUPPRISING happened.! he lyk gave us, as in ma sis n i, $50 each n said, 'stop complaining, go n buy wteve u wan,'.
haha n yeah.! ive gt ma new pair of jeans.! kuul. n ive gt lyk $20 left, n im buy a long sleeved shirt.!
wuhuu.!! n i saw him ydae nyt, okie tis morin, 12++. went dwn tu fatch ma sis, n buy a drink frm de vanding machine.
okie i wana eat now!!
dada peeps.!
n i NEVER miss skul.
so what shit.
i mis someone yet i dunnoe hue.
tell me if u think is u.
i mis someone yet i dunnoe hue.
tell me if u think is u.
Saturday, June 10, 2006 ; 9:46 PM♥
cann i shout yippie.??!!
cus, him, i saw.!
ouh so kiute.!
tt's ma Mc Donalds'.!
=D =D =D
;p ;p ;p
=) =) =)
C= C= C=
oukie fine fine.
hehe. but he luks so err.
i mean, he wsnt smylin lyk how i LOVE to see him smyl.
hrmm. i ges he onie werks om sat.
haha if later at ard 11++ ibu ask me tu go dwn, i realie wudnt hesitate.!!
heh, cus he'll be bac frm werk.!
okie atie stop it.
went tu BPP cus wnted tu c de anugerah skrin
wanted tu see Sufian.!
but he wsnt dere.
onie de top 6 were dere,
saw naq, n actualie koled her kak naq.
gosh.! wths.?
haha.
anie wae, gt a sec taste of Starbucks.!
Choc cream chip frap.!
wuhuu. nice nice.
gosh.! jus went fer de check up.
ma weight shud haf gone down.!
if not bcs of tis right ankle of mine.
but i grew 0.7cm taller.!
haha. u noe how accurate de hospitals are.!
bought a new watch.
BUTTERFLY.!
i love it.!
ella bought de same one too, but diff colour.
mine is black n her's is white.
haha. lyk pritty cure.!
hee.
kk, gta clean up da room.!
ma aunt's gona be bac soon.!!
tnx fer da prayers.
she's much better now.
cus, him, i saw.!
ouh so kiute.!
tt's ma Mc Donalds'.!
=D =D =D
;p ;p ;p
=) =) =)
C= C= C=
oukie fine fine.
hehe. but he luks so err.
i mean, he wsnt smylin lyk how i LOVE to see him smyl.
hrmm. i ges he onie werks om sat.
haha if later at ard 11++ ibu ask me tu go dwn, i realie wudnt hesitate.!!
heh, cus he'll be bac frm werk.!
okie atie stop it.
went tu BPP cus wnted tu c de anugerah skrin
wanted tu see Sufian.!
but he wsnt dere.
onie de top 6 were dere,
saw naq, n actualie koled her kak naq.
gosh.! wths.?
haha.
anie wae, gt a sec taste of Starbucks.!
Choc cream chip frap.!
wuhuu. nice nice.
gosh.! jus went fer de check up.
ma weight shud haf gone down.!
if not bcs of tis right ankle of mine.
but i grew 0.7cm taller.!
haha. u noe how accurate de hospitals are.!
bought a new watch.
BUTTERFLY.!
i love it.!
ella bought de same one too, but diff colour.
mine is black n her's is white.
haha. lyk pritty cure.!
hee.
kk, gta clean up da room.!
ma aunt's gona be bac soon.!!
tnx fer da prayers.
she's much better now.
healing without power
Sunday, June 04, 2006 ; 1:58 PM♥
i miss jing yi.!!!
i mis her tagging on ma bord.
aniwaes, i've nvr smile fer such a long time(as in minutes, smiled frm mornin til nite) for such a long tym(as in days, nvr smiled in days)
haha i hope u ppl understand.
ydae at Gentarasa 2006,
i smiled oldewae.!
xapt fer de part wen ddey shine de spot lights *S.!! alot okie.!!* at de audiance.
wth.?
but overall it was great.!
i ddn't wana leave.! it was soo good. i wana watch it again.!
mayb nxt yr.!
12 spare tickets.!
gosh cn u believe it.??!!
im soo not going tu pay fer it.
okie so under ckgu hsnah's name, dere's 2 spare tickets,
tt makes under malay dance, 10 spare.!
murni n nisa decided not to come on tt evening itself.!
okie so tt makes Ms Wati odering 8 spare tickets.
what fer.??
den we went to kak Nurul's wek place, had some prob n needed so so realie to talk tu kak N.
den i had ma ferst starbucks drink.! some choc chip thing.
haha
tts ol.
n ouh yah. i was so super hungry ydae.!
n ma adk's home frm her camp.!!!
abeh xited sak
i mis her tagging on ma bord.
aniwaes, i've nvr smile fer such a long time(as in minutes, smiled frm mornin til nite) for such a long tym(as in days, nvr smiled in days)
haha i hope u ppl understand.
ydae at Gentarasa 2006,
i smiled oldewae.!
xapt fer de part wen ddey shine de spot lights *S.!! alot okie.!!* at de audiance.
wth.?
but overall it was great.!
i ddn't wana leave.! it was soo good. i wana watch it again.!
mayb nxt yr.!
12 spare tickets.!
gosh cn u believe it.??!!
im soo not going tu pay fer it.
okie so under ckgu hsnah's name, dere's 2 spare tickets,
tt makes under malay dance, 10 spare.!
murni n nisa decided not to come on tt evening itself.!
okie so tt makes Ms Wati odering 8 spare tickets.
what fer.??
den we went to kak Nurul's wek place, had some prob n needed so so realie to talk tu kak N.
den i had ma ferst starbucks drink.! some choc chip thing.
haha
tts ol.
n ouh yah. i was so super hungry ydae.!
n ma adk's home frm her camp.!!!
abeh xited sak
Friday, June 02, 2006 ; 10:41 PM♥
im frus.!
i freaknly dunnoe abt wat.
seriously i dun't.
so can i play futsal too.?
n kick de ball wif ol ma might n get ol tis frustrations out.?
or shud i grab someones gituar n strum ma anger off.
naah. tt'll be damaging a property wic is nt mine.
den maybe i shud go fer tt $50 ride, invers bunje. or how ever it is spelt.
nananaa. one of de string was snapped.
heard tt frm ma father.
ouh ouh i noe.!
i'll go tu escape, get on ol de rides n scream lyk der's no tomorw.
hrm.. i dunoe, maybe it'll add tu de frus.!
cus some ppl, or shud i sae GUI, promised, n promised, n promised again, BUT TU NO AVAIL.!
well mayb i shud be de odl me,
pen, paper, SCRIBBLE MA HEART OUT.
yeah mayb tt's it.
scrible ma heart out.
but i still need tu find de cos of tis frus.
hrm.. help needed. anione willing.?
i freaknly dunnoe abt wat.
seriously i dun't.
so can i play futsal too.?
n kick de ball wif ol ma might n get ol tis frustrations out.?
or shud i grab someones gituar n strum ma anger off.
naah. tt'll be damaging a property wic is nt mine.
den maybe i shud go fer tt $50 ride, invers bunje. or how ever it is spelt.
nananaa. one of de string was snapped.
heard tt frm ma father.
ouh ouh i noe.!
i'll go tu escape, get on ol de rides n scream lyk der's no tomorw.
hrm.. i dunoe, maybe it'll add tu de frus.!
cus some ppl, or shud i sae GUI, promised, n promised, n promised again, BUT TU NO AVAIL.!
well mayb i shud be de odl me,
pen, paper, SCRIBBLE MA HEART OUT.
yeah mayb tt's it.
scrible ma heart out.
but i still need tu find de cos of tis frus.
hrm.. help needed. anione willing.?
